There’s No Cholesterol in Alcohol

            There’s no cholesterol in alcohol

So I start drinking early every day

I’d rather drink than eat that stone ground whole grain wheat

            Thank you but I’ll just drink my fruits and grains

If your LDL’s up or your HDL’s down

Or your cholesterol’s just too high

If your blood’s too thick or your blood’s too thin

You might just fall down and die

And if it ever happens to me

I hope that I’m half drunk

If I show up at the pearly gates sober

I know that heaven won’t be much fun

Chorus

Dr. Atkins followers and all the rest

They have a real long-standing fight

Eat that fat or eat them carbs

Nobody knows what’s right

Bread and pasta and lots of rice

Or just a daily tub of grease

Either way your butt’s too big

For anorexics in South Beach

            Chorus

There’s no cholesterol in alcohol

So I drink three squares every single day

I’d rather drink than eat organic tofu meat

So I plan to continue drinking my fruits and grains

Chorus

Eat this, eat that, don’t eat this

Or maybe I should just eat a peach